I have spent some time in miserable place of exhibiting generous behavior and speech and struggling with a miserly heart. It's the worst possible combination, in a lot of respects, and I've given myself a pretty good flogging over it already...reminding myself that I'm not exhibiting a whole ton of fruit here. What about the kingdom? doesn't this gig run on my ability to produce legitimate fruit?
WHACK! Wrong again, bonehead.
Song of Solomon 4:15 calls each one of us as God sees us - "...a garden fountain, a well of flowing water streaming down from Lebanon."
We are to respond as in verse 16...."Awake, north wind and come, south wind. Blow on my garden, that it's fragrance may spread abroad. Let my lover come into His garden and taste it's choice fruits.
Ok, so the fruit of my life in God is not primarily to draw people to God or to make me appear to have achieved some sort of positive karma flow...the fruit of my life in God is for His delight. Any spiritual maturity that manifests itself in my life serves primarily to delight the Lord and secondarily to serve His purposes.
I regularly overestimate my value as a tool in His cosmic fix-it kit.