Why the Debate Stunk

The debates have become a little like the Friday Night Fights. We look forward to them and ruefully admit that the build up is far superior to the actual event. Even so, tonight's Presidential Debate stunk worse than our lowest expectations. Here's why:

Questions by Undecided Votors

We are thirty days out from the elections in a campaign that has stretched on interminably long. I can't for the life of me remember when it started, but I am not sure I was even old enough to shave at the time.

These guys have argued the same points over and over and over again, first to gain the nomination, and now with one another. If you are still truly an decided voter after all these months of campaigning, then I question your good sense. I would go so far as to say that I don't think you should be allowed to ask questions - you obviously haven't been listening to the answers for the last year and a half. If you are unprepared to cast your vote now, I think you should give your vote up or have it granted to an illegal alien who has a vested interest in how this all shakes down.

The sort of people who are still undecided at t-minus 30 days are the kinds of people who ask "What don't you know.....". Oh. Wait. Exactly.

Barack Obama Channels My Fourth Grade Teacher

True confession: I did not like my 4th grade teacher. It may have been her fault, it may have been mine, but what little chemistry we had generated some noxious fumes. The sound of her voice was like fingernails on a chalkboard, but not as pleasant. I just grew tired of the "Yah, yah, yah...yayah ya yah yah" and tuned her out.

I did the same thing with BHO. (Lest you think I'm busting on the middle name, do you think he prefers being called 'BO'? I think not....). He has an irritating habit of talking to you like you're a fourth grader. A tardy fourth grader. A tardy fourth grader who will never amount to anything if you don't get on the ball and glue your freaking popsicle sticks to the map of china to mark the Great Wall.

He also does a VERY dumb thing in piling on statistics to the point of causing the listener to lose the plot. "Tom, in the last 48 months, 18 percent of Americans in the 35-50 age demographic lost a mean of $12,000 in home equity, causing 1 in 3 to cancel their health coverage until the next tax season - and we all know what that means."

No we do not, BHO, and IMHO, you don't know what you're talking about, so you just add up all your little numbers and let the buffalo chips fly.

John McCain's (lack of) Style

John McCain, I knew Ronald Reagan. Ronald Reagan was a friend of mine. You're no Ronald Reagan. I agree with you on a lot of positions - and on the one or two deal breakers that would cause me to hold my nose and vote for you, on those we're pretty much in sync....but for the love of country, man, please quit trying to be charming. It's creepy.

Conventional wisdom says a president needs a winning, gregarious personality. I disagree. I do not need a gregarious president. Sometimes, it's really not a good thing. Bill Clinton was probably the most gregarious of recent presidents, and his gregariousness overran his common sense on more than one occasion. I don't need the Prom King. I just need a guy who will do what he says and says what he does.

There is nothing more painful to watch than someone who is boring trying to be funny. John, it's ok to be boring if boring is who you are. What it is NOT ok to do is to try and be funny when funny is what you are not. When you are trying so hard to be funny, it comes off as both smarmy and condescending, my friend.

There you have it. The debate stunk.

Were it not for the twitterpatter of text messages throughout the event, it would have been a total waste. So. that was fun. When's the next one?