You'd think I'd be emergent...

At least, you'd think I'd be emergent if you scanned the list of 50 possible reasons you're not emergent over at the Missio Dei blog. After all, of the fifty, check out these, along with my commentary:


31. I’m not white.

For the record, I am white, although part of my family is not.

29. I don’t have any cool, black eyeglasses.

What can I say?

28. I don’t like coffee or Guinness.

Love coffee. Not much for world records.

27. It’s immoral to smoke pipes or cigars.

I wouldn't call it immoral. I wouldn't call it smart or cool though.

25. Emergents read unapproved books.


21. I like my Christianity strong and hot.

Not sure why you'd want it weak and lukewarm. Seems there's a scripture somewhere....

15. I’m a bullhorn type of guy.

I am SO not a bullhorn type of guy. Except for recreational purposes.

12. I don’t really want a generous orthodoxy.

I'd prefer an orthodox generosity, which a totally different thing.

11. I refuse to switch to Apple

Done did that.

7. I refuse to grow a soul patch

Matches the glasses nicely I think.

5. I don’t like loud, rock music at church. It’s a sin.

Only at church? How about at the 6am prayer meeting? Or are the two the same thing?

4. Their hermeneutic of ecclesiology is unorthodox, fundamentally esoteric and meandering. It borders on epistemological ambiguity that is really troublesome. I’m afraid it will lead to heretical uncertainty of the most pernicious kind.

I have friends who actually talk this way. For real.

1. The emerging church is so yesterday.

Technically, not true. A church really is emerging, although what is about to emerge is going to cause some to lose their soul patch.


Ronni said...

Female version:

10. You refuse to get your hair cut into multiple layers with more than one color.

(yawn. been there done that)

9. You prefer nude pantyhose because the wild patterns and colors draw attention.

(what's pantyhose?)

8. You love high heels.

(nah, doc martens or crocs actually)

7. You own more than one color of eyeliner.

(there's another color than black?)

8. You think tattoos are for bikers.


7. You refuse to own a mac because you are a thrifty shopper.

(forget thrift, I need it to work...)

6. Your pearls won't match denim.

(pearls... pearls... do they go with hoodies?)

5. You stay silent in church.


4. You always make sure your husband has the spiritual reigns of any conversation.

(um, so much for me teaching him hermeneutics then eh?)

3. You spend all your time in the nursery.

(who's gonna tune my drums then?)

2. You only read King James Version.

(oh I'm so in trouble here...)

1. You make sure your husbands hair doesn't touch his collar.

(heck I encourage that and cried when my pastors awesome long hair and mutton chops dissappeared...)

Okay so it was only my top 10 but it was amusingly fun to do... lol...

Now I have to go get the oil changed in the VW so I can go vote democrat... *runs and hides*


chuck said...

I would be emergent if I weren't a rurally challenged, uber white,(except for my latino relatives) 42 year old male bent on eschatological meanderings for the truth, who, not wanting to put myself in another box, feeling that doing so will leave me wanting to get out of that box. (The box I am in is rather big as far as boxes go. It's called a house)

Plus: How do you tell a guy, who is drinking Guinness and smoking a cigar his breath stinks when his whole view of truth is subjective?

Can't win that one.

I will admit though, I like to frequent such sites. It's like going to the zoo, and it helps my vocabulary.

Anonymous said...

Ronni, those are awesome. I especially like the hair above the collar one. Nice.

Ronni said...

Thanks Jonathan... I thought up a few more later.... maybe I'll do my own post later and link to you... maybe. LOL.

11. You think well behaved ladies prefer crocheting over electric guitars...

(your probably right but well behaved woman rarely change the world...)