Excerpts from The 50 Possible Reasons You're Not Emergent:
31. I’m not white.
For the record, I am white, although part of my family is not.
29. I don’t have any cool, black eyeglasses.
What can I say?
28. I don’t like coffee or Guinness.
Love coffee. Not much for world records.
27. It’s immoral to smoke pipes or cigars.
I wouldn't call it immoral. I wouldn't call it smart or cool though.
25. Emergents read unapproved books.
21. I like my Christianity strong and hot.
Not sure why you'd want it weak and lukewarm. Seems there's a scripture somewhere....
15. I’m a bullhorn type of guy.
I am SO not a bullhorn type of guy. Except for recreational purposes.
12. I don’t really want a generous orthodoxy.
I'd prefer an orthodox generosity, which a totally different thing.
11. I refuse to switch to Apple
Done did that.
7. I refuse to grow a soul patch
Matches the glasses nicely I think.
5. I don’t like loud, rock music at church. It’s a sin.
Only at church? How about at the 6am prayer meeting? Or are the two the same thing?
4. Their hermeneutic of ecclesiology is unorthodox, fundamentally esoteric and meandering. It borders on epistemological ambiguity that is really troublesome. I’m afraid it will lead to heretical uncertainty of the most pernicious kind.
I have friends who actually talk this way. For real.
1. The emerging church is so yesterday.
Technically, not true. A church really is emerging, although what is about to emerge is going to cause some to lose their soul patch.