2.16.2008

CrimeScoopers.

A few days ago, in anticipation of South Kansas City's Bulk Trash Day, our neighbor decided to put a toilet at the curb. I found this interesting in itself...and even more interesting was that the implement was fully assembled, with the tank intact. Any time I've ever removed one from my home, I've had to take the tank off and then unbolted it from the floor. I guess he took the tank off, unbolted the base, and reassembled the whole thing curbside.

For the last forty eight hours, we've been talking about things we could do with it. I considered planting flowers in the bowl. I also thought about slapping an Obama sticker on it, which struck me as riotously funny, albeit for reasons I cannot explain. Jackson wished for some flesh colored sweatpants that would allow him to shoot a great video while maintaining his "modest is hottest" campaign.

Tonight, Jackson and I took off for the gym around 10:30pm. We came home after midnight, driving down the street and joking about stealing things out of peoples' bulk trash piles. When we reached our end of the street, we noticed something very strange.

The toilet was gone.

Lest you miss the impact of that statement, allow me to paint the picture in greater detail. Bulk trash day is not until Monday at the earliest. Everyone elses' junk is still at the curb, yet...

The toilet was gone. It had been picked up. Stolen. Commode-jacked. Hotwired and driven for the border.

I'm not quite sure who would take a used toilet from the curb, but if you live in Kansas City and are having a bathroom remodeled, you might want to check those replacement items very, very carefully to insure that your contractor is buying the new stuff you paid for.

And check the left side of the bowl for the Obama sticker.

5 comments:

chuck said...

Ok, if it is bulk trash day, then said toilet is technically discarded, even if the toilet is still on the former toilet owner's lawn. So is that really stealing?

Is that being legalistic?

BTW, there is a huge black market toilet operation in Kentucky. The toilets creep in through a vast network of river dwellers. Rest assured that you will never see that toilet again. I am sure that it is heavily guarded by geese and coon dogs.

Jerry James said...

We had a pink toilet that we put on the curb one time. Our youth group picked it up and used it for a fund raiser. They would put it in a church members yard with a note saying they would come remove it for $10. Then they would just move it to another member's yard.
Maybe some IHOPer had an idea.

Randy Bohlender said...

Chuck, you're a little defensive about the word 'stealing'. That's interesting.

chuck said...

Due to the sensitive nature of my mission, I cannot divulge my defensiveness. Let me say this though, I have seen the river and the bowls are in sight. I think that raw meat and bread balls will get me to the other side of the fence to see the fence. When I do it will be cheap porcelain for all.

I fear I may have said too much.

Randy Bohlender said...

This whole 'intercessors filling the bowls' thing is getting very, very creepy. You KNOW they're gonna tip.