closing out the day

I fully intended on being in bed an hour ago, but was sidetracked by a very bushy haired little girl with a goofy smile and a hint of the behavior that leads a four time parent to think "uhoh...ear infection?". No certainty on that, but she did not want to go to sleep. We ended up on the couch - her with her bottle and me with my iPod, each of us finding solace as best we could. After she fell asleep, I waited a little while before putting her in the crib, enjoying being a dad too much to get up immediately.

Sitting here in the dark now, with her back in her crib, I'm still ruminating on Jesus' words "For you, any time is right...". What a pointed phrase. It's almost taunting. Go ahead. Promote yourself. See how far you get.

Position is a funny thing. Probably even more so in the Kingdom, where we're somewhat expected not to be interested in it...yet we are. The Kingdom of God is (sometimes) like a bunch of people sitting around, wanting to be important but too spiritually repressed to verbalize it. It's the worst of both worlds in a way...blind ambition without an outlet.

I guess the balance is in realizing that perhaps the time is not right, but it's still ok to talk about what God's put in you to do. Too often we bury the desire for greatness in the furrow of the not now...confusing God's not now with not ever, and masking it over with our own false not interested.

Fully aware that the time is not now, I want to stake out my ground: I am interested. I am interested in doing something colossal. I am interested in impact that far exceeds my own potential. I want to build something to call mine and His, or His and mine, however He prefers...but I do not want to maintain systems for the rest of my life.

I'm up for waiting on God. But I'm not up for quitting.

Goodnight.