Now, for my charismatiphobic readers, allow me to explain. I did not physically hear something...although that would have been cool. No, I felt something. I heard it on the inside, in a way that is more real and deeper impacting than anything that's ever come out of my iPod. I heard/felt/sensed/knew this was for me at this moment in time:
Create in my a pure heart, Oh God, and renew a right spirit in me.
Now, understand that while I generally attend the 6am prayer meeting, I am not tremendously spiritual at that hour. Were it not for the miracle of coffee, these things could not happen. I turned the phrase over in my head as I drove to the prayer room but kind of forgot about it.
Not long into the meeting, I took a phone call. It was directly related to what I was frustrated about, and as the conversation continued, I found my blood pressure inching upward. Finally I told the friend "Hey, this verse is what I heard this morning....can we break this conversation off for right now because I want to continue it in a right spirit and to do that, I have to go get one." Of course, because they're a true friend, they agreed that it was best. I turned the phone off and reengaged with the Lord. Later, when it came time to finish the conversation, all went smoother because my heart was right.
I got to thinking about all that...on one hand, I was glad that I took the time out at realigned my heart before I went too far. I was grateful for a friend willing to give me a little space. I was also glad I was able to land in a place where I wanted to do the right thing with a right spirit. I was just bugged because it came so unnaturally.
Since then, I've been reading the Psalm over and over again...seeing the difference between being able to eventually land on the right heart response vs. carrying the right response in our hearts before the time of testing arrives. In other words, I have reasonable faith in my ability to find wisdom when I need it. I just want to have it within me before I think I need it.
Verse six says "Surely you desire truth in my innermost parts....you teach me wisdom in the inmost place". My study Bible tells me that the meaning of this phrase is uncertain...but I have a hunch...it's like having wisdom written into your personal OS instead of having to search for that flash drive to boot it up when you need it.
I want wisdom and a right spirit, Lord...independent of my circumstances, so that I don't need to make these gut calls on the fly and hope I land on the righteous side of the fence.