Much to our horror, the following memo was leaked to FOX News, MSNBC, and the Food Channel late this evening.

Office of the Presidential Candidate

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Dear Brent,

The past twenty four hours have been a whirlwind in our campaign. Since naming you as my running mate, nearly everything that can go wrong has gone wrong.
  • While making a speech in Detroit, you rented a Kia to get from their airport to the UAW headquarters.
  • You referred to Massachussets as "One of those dinky, throw-away states out east."
  • When introduced to the former leader of the United Nations, Kofi Annan, you snort-laughed and said "Kofi? You want cream with that?"
I cannot adequately express to you how grevious these errors are for our campaign. We have assured our supporters that "Together, we can make a mess." You are apparently subverting the team effort by making a serious mess on your own.

If tomorrow does not get better, we shall be forced to publicize the fact that you hired Jono Combrink to do your laundry and failed to withhold his social security. This is the very sort of thing that tanked Zoe Baird's bid for the Supreme Court.

Do not think for a moment that we would not distance ourselves from your nomination and replace you with someone who could successfully complete a 50-states map without having to use Mapquest.

Tomorrow is another day. May it be better than today.

Randy Bohlender
Candidate for President


Matthew said...

Not the food channel! I heard that Geraldo was unwilling to work for them because he thought they were "too sleazy in getting their news."

Truly, dark times have descended upon the Bohlender, Steeno candidacy.

Esther Irwin said...

did you write that Randy? or was that just a rumour? Is Steeno still in or is he out?

Can you make crank calls to the Prime Minister in NZ? I could trade you a kiwifruit... Also, if you need an ambassador for NZ, I'm already here so you could cut costs by just keeping me here. Instead of a salary, I'd trade a couple free trips to IHOP every year; one for 6 months, and the other for 6 months. :)

John said...

Loved the coffee/Kofi gag!! I nearly spat mine out hearing that! :-))))

Brent Steeno said...

My memo has been posted on my blog. These events are not as bad as they may seem.

Kelsey Bohlender said...

Have you checked the timer? Is it done yet?