Two gun clubbers were over at the house last night to trim out a window in the kitchen and hang Kelsey's Mondo-Sized Microwave over the stove. I don't want to say that it's oversized, but I did see a page in the instructions that said "How to Microwave an Entire Pig", so I guess I know what we're doing for the holidays.
One of the clubbers just joined the Suburban Owners Club, a wholly owned subsiderary of the Gun Club. Membership is granted with proof of ownership of one of these behemoths or by grant of fiat, if the application is sufficently padded with a few crisp twenties.
In just a few short weeks of Suburban ownership, I have decided that this may be the finest automobile every manufactured. People think they're too big or ostentatious, but I have an entirely different perspective. You cannot compare owning a Suburban with owning a regular sized car. You have to compare it to owning two Hondas.
Suburban: Seats 8
Two Hondas: Seats 8
Suburban: 20 mpg (no kidding)
Two Hondas: 30 mpg, 2 cars, 15 mpg effectively
Suburban: 4 tires to replace
Two Hondas: You guessed it, 8 tires to replace.
I could go on and on. This could be the most economical vehicle I have ever owned. It's also big as Texas and will drive straight over those irritating little putt-putt cars....