5.19.2006

Gun Club Minutes

The Royal Order of the Gun Club convened this morning at the clubhouse. Attendance was back up where it needs to be in order to keep the venture profitable. Club leadership attributes this to a number of restraining orders expiring, allowing certain members freedom of movement about the South Kansas City area. This was the most exciting news for us since Martha got her anklet off.

For a short while, it appeared that the Gun Club had secured an angel investor. A man who had been staying in an RV in the parking lot approached us and offered to pay rent. Something about the way we eagerly agreed to accept the payment signified to him that we were, in fact, not the controlling legal authority.

Following this misunderstanding, the Gun Club got down to business and passed the following resolutions unanimously.
  1. Resolved: A Nebraska Falcon hunting expedition is to be organized for next Nebraska Falcon Hunting season, providing the Nebraskans can get their Expedition inspected. The leadership team was split on what to use for bait, but finally settled on the traditional option.
  2. Resolved: The Cypress Raccoon Extermination Officer is battling discouragement. Raccons are up, 3 to 1 going into overtime. More finances were allocated for ammo and eardrum protection
  3. Resolved: The Gun Club agreed to look into utilizing moose antlers as small, microwave receivers. This should provide Alaska with roving wifi hotspots during both daylight months (providing we can get the moose to cooperate). Wifi encription codes will be available at the Alaska DMV. No waiting, all lines are open.
  4. Resolved: All members need to be reminded that sinking one's child ankle deep into soft tar is no longer an approved child restraint method. This is now only to be referred to as "the great misunderstanding".
Also of note: A new Gun Club member (codename: Okie) would like to give away two dogs, black, each slightly smaller than a wifi moose. No Gun Club member was interested after another member referred to the dogs as Cujo and Damien. It should be mentioned that anyone interested in these dogs must be prepared to reinforce their fences and meet their neighbors.

6 comments:

Kelsey Bohlender said...

Perhaps if said member were to change the names of the dogs for resale purposes the pups would be more manageable. I would suggest Fluffy or Snowball. More perceived value that way, particularly in Leawood.

Randy Bohlender said...

You should be in marketing.

chuck said...

Is a new collar considered added value?

Gayle said...

No more ankle deep soft tar restraints? Drat! How about duct tape and closets? or bungie cords from the ceiling around the ankles?

Randy Bohlender said...

Chuck - it depends if the batteries are fresh. Loose the hounds!

Kelsey Bohlender said...

Bungie cords around ankles from the ceiling FANS. It's more fun that way.