A few days ago, I determined to be the last blogger on earth to mention Ted Haggard. So much has been written, and so little of it needed to be, that I didn't want to join the fray. At the same time, this blog is entitled 'stuff i think', and I've been thinking about him a fair amount the last few days, so you'll need to wade through yet another post.
My thoughts about him have centered around how this mess could have been avoided....not to say how could he have continued in his wrong, for these things have a way of finding daylight one way or another, but rather what he or others could have done to have prevented it.
I don't think Ted pursued fame. I do not know him, but the few people that I do know who know him speak of his humility and earnestness. I think fame pursued him, and surely that played a part in leading him to believe that he could live a double life with impunity, speaking the right things with conviction even while doing the wrong ones with shame.
Celebrity in itself is an odd institution, and Christian celebrity probably the oddest institution of all. The Christian who becomes known on the larger stage is suddenly the bigger target. We've seen it a dozen times over - yet we fail to value the seasons of our life when we are kept from the spotlight (and hidden from the sniper's laser dot). Even in valuing humility, what we really want to do is write the best selling book about it and then do a twelve city book tour.
In the past few years, I've had bouts of frustration with not having achieved what I hoped to achieve by the age that I am...not life-crippling bouts of depression, but certainly times of wondering "God, is my time coming? I could make a difference if you'd just get me in front of the right people, God...".
This morning, I was up at 4am, giving Zoe a bottle, and noticed that Kelsey had bundled her tightly in a blanket. We call it the Baby Burrito treatment - place her in a blanket and wrap her tight. Zoe likes it. She can't flop her arms around and she feels totally secure and safe. As I stared at that little girl in the bundled blanket, I heard the Lord whisper "This is what I'm doing to you. I am hemming you in. I am restraining your best human efforts to be known, and in doing so, I am keeping you safe and sound."
Sometimes the biggest blessing the Lord can give you is protection from success.