1.31.2006

thoughts on emptiness


There is a nuanced difference between vacant and blank...not so much in the strictest, Merriam-Webster sense, but out around the edges, out where ideas fray into feelings. Out where the sentences start with "if" and "why", a lot of words that would seemt to be synonyms separate into a verbal fuzz.

That place - where we're not reacting so much out of fact as faulty intuition - is a bad place to make any sort of judgement call. Not because things aren't as bad as they seem, because sometimes they really are, but because sometimes we're not as bad as we seem. Sometimes, our impossible is God's 'what if'.

Today, I feel vacant. Empty. Too weak to generate buzz and too rigid to resonate it from others. I am thirsty, feeble and barren.

God sees me as blank. Fresh. A clean slate. A chalkboard to write on. A walking, talking do-over.

He and I are staring at the same thing this morning with wildy different perspectives. I like His better than mine. I think I'll go with it.

4 comments:

chuck said...

:)

Sean The Red said...

The main difference between you and me Randy...

You can sit there and wait and grope through the process. You can see yurself as blank.

I wait about 6 minutes, nd then turn on TV, or activity, or whatever until I feel full, even if it is full of noise.

Mikie3toes said...

Sounds like a good place to be.

Alaska1 said...

I really like this post Randy. There is something about me that has always been contemplative. I love the way you describe the difference between vacant and blank. God loves intimacy with Him and adores looking at the possibilities within us...if only we will allow Him to do the work.

Good stuff!