1.11.2006

i AM the new jack hannah

Remember Jack Hanna? He was a regular guest on the old Johnny Carson show. He's show up in safari garb carrying a burlap sack that contained some endangered Ring-eyed Khubla Mormot. He'd pull the ball of fur out of the sack and hand it to Johnny. The Ring-eyed Khubla Mormot would immediately crawl up on Johnny's head and poop like there's no tomorrow. Ah, that's good television.

Anyway, I would like to proclaim myself the New Jack Hannah.

I crashed early last night...around 10:15 pm. At 11 pm, I heard Kelsey go out to the kitchen for a glass of water and proclaim "Uh oh." I wandered out to find her staring at the hamster cage like John the Revelator (with an open door before her).

Grayson got a Black Bear Hamster for Christmas and named him Kiwi. Truth be told, Kiwi more hamster than black bear, but the resemblance is there. Grayson loves this little guy and keeps him in Taj Mahal of hamster cages. Unfortunately, last night the drawbridge was lowered and the moat was empty. Kiwi was gone.

Finding a hamster in a 3 bedroom ranch is somewhat akin to finding a needle in a haystack, with the exception of two things: the needle doesn't move that much, and if necessary, one can burn the haystack to the ground. Unable to stop the first variable and unwilling to exercise the second, I convinced Kelsey that if we left the door open, Kiwi would wander back for a drink of water and go to bed. I said this very convincingly, although I had little to no belief in my own theory. I was just tired and ready to go back to bed.

Lo and behold, guess who was in his little cubby this morning? You got it. Kiwi had returned to his cage, a triumphal reentry of the rodentary kind. All is well in kingdom. Good has been done here. And best of all, Grayson slept through the whole drama.

13 comments:

Brent Steeno said...

That's funny! When I was at your house last week I saw that hamster and was going to tell you that "rodent" is going to cause you a whole lot of trouble!

Randy Bohlender said...

That's so weird, because when you left, he said the same thing about you....

Brent Steeno said...

Oh, thats even funnier. Be sure to tell him that next time he decides to take a midnight stroll he better not come near my hood! I have friends who know how to take care of animals like Kiwi. So I suggest he stays home and shuts his mouth before something happens.

Randy Bohlender said...

READERS: Please give Brent a little grace. All the cool hamsters would tease him in high school. He's a little prickly about the whole issue. We're signing him up for some deliverance sessions.

Brent Steeno said...

Thats scary. How did you know that? Did Kj tell you or did you go through the same thing?

Randy Bohlender said...

The leadership team talked about it quite a while one day.

Randy Bohlender said...

My work here is done.

Brent Steeno said...

AH! My secret is out! You will see me no longer!

Aaron said...

I hope you had nothing but pure motives in naming your hamster "Kiwi", it could potentially start a international crisis within the missions base

Walsh (A real Kiwi)

Randy Bohlender said...

Funny. I've always thought you remind me of a black bear too.

Mikie3toes said...

If you don't mind, my own Hamster story. I was recuperating from my second heart operation. My chest was still stiched closed. My kid's hamster got loose in the early evening. They searched & searched. About 3 in the morning I awoke screaming, at the top of my lungs I might add, staring straight into the face (I guess) of a little ball of fur. This creature apparently thought he would explore the subtle nuances of open-heart surgery by crawling all over my chest. I woke my family with my screams and little George was put back in His cage. I had trouble falling back to sleep.

ylmurph said...

Randy! You can't be the new Jack Hannah when the original is still alive and kicking (or being kicked by some furry, African rodent) He's still on Letterman frequently (the new king of late night) and is still a sight to behold. You can be the new Jack Handy...or the new John Hannah....but as for our favorite Columbus Zoo Keeper...he's still the one and only.

Randy Bohlender said...

Be it known that yimurph doesn't even drink good coffee. He's swilling that stuff they serve in the atrium.